A new study suggests that one overlooked root of relationship problems is social class. They wanted to see how attitudes about education, work, money, and social capital affected how couples fought. The couples were predominantly white-one person self-identified as Iranian-American, two as Bosnian-and heterosexual, with one gay male couple and one lesbian couple. Their ages ranged from early 20s to mids, and couples had been living together anywhere from a year and a half to 43 years. Defining social class is a bit tricky. What seemed to me like the saddest finding was that upper-class people, even when they love and are married to someone from a lower-class background, often display stereotypical class prejudices. One participant said:.
They wanted to see how attitudes about education, work, money, and social capital affected how couples fought. The couples were predominantly white-one person self-identified as Iranian-American, two as Bosnian-and heterosexual, with one gay male couple and one lesbian couple.
Their ages ranged from early 20s to mids, and couples had been living together anywhere from a year and a half to 43 years. Defining social class is a bit tricky. What seemed to me like the saddest finding was that upper-class people, even when they love and are married to someone from a lower-class background, often display stereotypical class prejudices.
My ex before him, his dad was a Psychiatrist at British Airways before his retirement.
And his mum was a politician in one of the places in the UK. They got money.
Dating Across Classes Published on April 11, April 18, by Kai Zheng 1 Comment on Dating Across Classes Students who want to find a relationship may find it harder to date someone in another class at NYU Shanghai, reports OCA Writer Kai Zheng. Dating outside your social class can bring an imbalance of power. He is from a wealthy family and you come from the other side of the tracks. Although it was unlikely the two of you would end up dating, sparks flew and the rest is history. The whirlwind romance has .
And he was the only son. He was a bit spoiled and very competitive. My ex before him was from a family running their own businesses in Asia. The eldest child of 5. Didn't act like he had money but he was spoiled in some ways.
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My family is in the real estate business. We are not mega rich but comfortable.
Apr 18, Dating Across Class Lines. By Adreamuponwaking - April 18, am - 51 replies. You are on page. out of 4. Adreamuponwaking. Yay or Nay? Why or Why Not? 3 months; details; report; rabidtalker. My natal chart is in my profile photos. errr kind of a rarity these days, most of america is poor now so mostly in the same class. unless this. A research brief found that 56of middle class and upper class adults are married, but among working class and lower class adults, that number is between 26and 39%. In , more middle Author: Pavithra Mohan. Mar 14, In an odd way, one cross-class relationship this creates is the one between parents and children. Luckily, upper-class partners in McDowell et al.'s study often said that exposure to a lower-class partner's reality had enriched their lives, by giving them new perspectives on the society they thought they knew.
I think it depends how the money affected the person. Some people with old money tend to be a bit nicer. Some with new money seem to want to prove their new worth. So I'd date a higher class.
Although respondents tended to think their class differences were behind them, irrelevant to their current lives, instead they left a deep imprint that their marriage, their shared resources, and their thousands of days together did not erase. It is common knowledge that families located in different social classes develop different ways of going about daily life.
Such differences were made famous in the s by sociologist and psychologist Lillian Rubin in her classic book, Worlds of Pain. Rubin interviewed couples and demonstrated that the texture of family life, as well as ideas of what it means to be a good parent, child, and spouse, are all shaped by the resources and jobs available to families. Later, sociologist Annette Lareau offered another in-depth look, observing that the daily interactions between parents and children, and, to some degree, between adult members of the family, differed by social class.
French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu also observed wide class differences.
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Sociologists do not see each family as wholly unique, but shaped by the resources available to them in their class position. This divide is critical for understanding inequality, but it is problematic to simply call couples like Christie and Mike a college-educated, middle-class couple. The label erases that Christie and Mike spent two decades in a class apart, and that upwardly mobile people like Christie may carry their ideas of family and a good life with them into their marriage and the middle-class.
Indeed, simply referring to Christie and Mike as a college-educated, middle-class couple ignores that Christie knew what it was like to grow up with limited savings, watch a parent go to a job that was consistently framed as a means to an end, and grow up in a family that expressed their emotions immediately and intensely.
It ignores that Mike knew of none of these things.
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He knew, instead, of family safety nets, jobs that were enjoyed beyond their financial ends, and emotions that were rationalized and guarded. When social scientists ignore these background differences, they present only differences between college-educated and high-school educated couples, overlooking differences within college-educated couples.
Christie believed that her differences from Mike were driven by their personalities.
What she did not realize, however, was that what she called their personalities were, in turn, related to their class trajectory. People like Christie-born into the working-class but now college-educated-tended to prefer taking what I call a laissez-faire approach to their daily lives.
They preferred to go with the flow, enjoy the moment, and live free from self-imposed constraints. They assumed things would work out without their intervention. People like Mike-those born into the middle class-instead tended to prefer to take what I call a managerial approach to their daily lives. They preferred to plan, monitor, organize, and oversee. They assumed that things would not work out without their active intervention.
The people I interviewed did not just apply laissez-faire and managerial tendencies to one ct of their lives, but seven. When it came to how to attend to their money, paid work, housework, time, leisure, parenting, and emotions, middle-class-origin respondents tended to want to plan, organize, and oversee. Working-class-origin respondents more often preferred to let things take their own course without as much intervention.
Take, for example, how Christie and Mike thought about money.
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When I met them, they had shared a bank account for over two decades, but they did not share ideas of how to use the money in it. A small amount in savings was also normal to her as a child, and continued to be normal to her as a college-educated adult.
Now that she and Mike were both college-educated professionals who earned much more than her parents, this seemed especially true. Free from concerns over necessities, she now made a point to be free from worrying about money. Mike, however, grew up in a family with more money and more options.
His family could pay for their daily needs, then choose how to save for college tuition, retirement, rainy days, and leisure. For him, thinking about how to manage money was normal and he learned that management could make a difference. As an adult, Mike budgeted, monitored their current expenditures, forecasted their future expenses, and worried about whether he was earning enough. We have a lot of expenses. Their differences also extended to work.
Christie grew up observing her father work in a job as a maintenance worker at her public school while her mother did unpaid labor at home. There was no career ladder for her father to climb.
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Hours were circumscribed by a time clock and putting in more hours would not lead to more status or opportunities. Mike also saw his mother doing unpaid home labor, but observed his father, a professor, on a career ladder-from graduate student, to assistant, associate, and then full professor.
More hours could lead to more books published, more prestige, and more opportunities to share his ideas. Mike owned his own business.
He worked long hours despite not being paid by the hour and he constantly felt pressure to achieve more. Christie asked him to work fewer hours and have more faith that his business would do fine without his planning, strategizing, and long hours. So, just as Mike asked Christie to take a more managerial approach to work-one where she organized and planned her career trajectory-Christie asked Mike to take a more laissez-faire approach-one where he put in less time, did less planning, and assumed his career would be okay.